


How To Breath

by Ashes452



Category: The Blacklist (TV)
Genre: F/M, Romance, angsts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-06
Updated: 2019-03-17
Packaged: 2019-10-05 03:45:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,928
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17317463
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ashes452/pseuds/Ashes452
Summary: Spoilers for S6 - also potential spoilers based on casting call sheets. This is essentially what I think might happen and how Red gets out.This is heavy angst - but all lizzington!





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Wrote this really quickly - so any errors are mine.

_ He’s dead.  _

 

_ Dead.  _

 

_ I killed him.  _

 

_ It’s my fault.  _

 

_ He’s gone. _

 

_ Dead.  _

 

_ I killed him. My fault. My fault. _

 

_ He’s dead. He’s dead. He’s dead. He’s dead. He’s dead. _

 

Elizabeth Keen laid in a heap on the hardwood floor of her apartment, a hand grabbing at the end of the rug a few feet away, for some sort of purchase. Her eyes squeezed shut beneath her other hand that did nothing to hold back the tears she was rapidly shedding. 

 

The darkened apartment was quiet with the exception of her tear filled sobbing, that left her gasping for air, that her chest couldn’t quite fill. She couldn’t remember how she returned here, after…

 

_ After they...no - I - killed him.  _ Her mind screamed. 

 

_ My fault _ . 

 

And he knew, the entire time.  _ He knew _ . 

 

That it was her betrayal that sent him to prison. That led to the never ending cascade of events. His imprisonment, the beatings from inmates and staff for months, his trial, his sentencing and then his subsequent execution. 

 

Not once, not once did he complain, not once did he beg for his life and on the night of his execution where she was able to spend just one more hour with him, he confessed as he held her hand gently. Not of who he was - that didn’t matter anymore. At least to her. Not since it went to trial, not since it went too far. 

 

He confessed he knew it was her that tipped the police. That he knew he would eventually break her and vanishing with the bag of bones was likely the last straw. He was sorry. He forgave her. He told her there was a package, hidden - tucked away in an old shed of what she had already knew to be his old home where his wife and child died. 

 

But she had recovered the package months ago. It explained everything. 

 

He told her he had forgiven her. 

 

Told her everything was going to be okay.  _ ‘What’s done is done’.  _

 

“We had a good run of it , didn’t we?” He asked, with a small smile, tears still not shed, as he clutched her hands in his as if it was the last time he would touch her. 

 

_ It was the last time…. _

 

He told her of the money that would be left, told her that Dembe will be near, told her how beautiful she looked, even as she cried clutching his hand. She had yet to say a word the entire time, she didn’t have words, so swollen with guilt, not even after he told her he loved her could she say anything.

 

She knew, she knew right there and then, even after it stared at her months ago, waiting to be recognized, after she tore open and sifted through all the answers - that it was never familial love, but a love she never knew she craved for. That ultimately was the answer to every “Why?” She ever asked or had yet to ask him. 

 

He loved her. 

 

And as she begged for one more minute from the guards, one more chance to say something, one more apology to be spoken, he kissed her sweetly on the cheek and whispered “My Lizzie”  and was dragged away - his eyes still closed as if he were keeping the vision of her behind his eyes, letting it burn there.

 

Only after did they slam the jail door did she cry out his name “Red!” Rushing to the steel door, shaking it, hitting it, and begging for it to open. With tears blurring her vision. 

 

At 7pm that night they placed him in the chamber. Asked him if he had anything to say. He didn’t . A few people - victims of his alleged crimes - did. But as convincing as there words were, he heard nothing. Just looked at his Lizzy behind the glass. 

 

When the warden announced the final proceedings, citing court filings and judgement, and he was strapped in, she pressed close to the glass on the other side willing for it to break, to be there with him, to hold him, she wished there surroundings were different. As just before the chamber door closed - he whispered still never taking his eyes off her. 

 

“It will be okay Lizzy”. 

 

The door closed. The valves were turned on. A button pressed.  

 

At 7:14pm - Raymond Red Reddington had died. 

 

Now she laid on the floor, broken glass everywhere. Her knees aching, her throat dry from sobbing and screaming for so long. Her forehead pressed to the floor, as she begged - begged for his life, begged for forgiveness that she did not deserve but he had already bestowed. Begged not to be anymore. 

 

She felt hollow, empty and numb. The biggest mystery to her life solved and what she ultimately found there was love. Now lost.

 

She wept. Wept for him, for them. For what could have been. For what should have been. 

 

“I’m sorry, I’m so sorry…” she gasped, her body shaking needing air but the effort of tears and choking sobs out won. 

 

She didn’t registered the warm hands in the darken apartment snaking up along her cold shoulders. Didn’t register them as they crossed her back, eventually stilling where they always belonged. She couldn’t make out the sound as it was pressed into her hair.

 

It was the smell and the familiar heat of him that left her crawling for more.

 

She breathed.    
  



	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Half of this chapter was already created before 6.11. I stopped writing it, but then...6.11 happened. With saying that this is quickly done, with no beta.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please read and comment.

“Shhhhh, it’s okay” 

She gasped, and filled her lungs with much needed air. Her hands still clutching the rug and the other moved her to her lips.

His hands moved to gather her hair and placed it on one side, so Red could see her tear stained face. 

He reached out to touch her cheek and gently moved her gaze to him. Her eyes were swollen and red from crying, her face wet from tears, but even with the reflection from the outside lights, he saw his Lizzy. 

Red bent down further, pushing stray hairs out of her face and then gently cradling her, “I’m here now, it’s okay - it’s over,” he whispered. Lizzy hands moved to frame Reds face, he was warm to the touch, everything about him looked exactly like he always did, like what happened 4 hours ago didn’t happen.

Red moved to get off of his knees and sit down beside her, her hands never leaving his face. He reached for her and placed her easily into his lap, she groaned from changing position. 

“Are you hurt?” He whispered checking her over quickly. 

“How?” Red swallowed heavily, her eyes still filled with tears, and her look had turned from memorizing to haunting, “I saw you die.”

“Yes, you did.” Red said thickly, “I had a man on the inside swap out the regular gas they use, for the one that you had used on yourself all those years ago, when you had to convince me you were dying. Though mine was a gas, it had to be potent enough to almost do the job, for that reason, there was no guarantee it would work and they could wake me back up,” Red smiled with tired eyes, “but it did, my men got me out of the morgue and brought me here to you - well after I cleaned up of course, the morgue is a terrible place to wake up in, could catch your death in there.” Red rubbed her arms as if she was back in there with him trying to stay warm. 

“You could say sweetheart, I learned from the best.” He tired to lighten the mood, but Liz wasn’t having any of it, not after she saw him die, or after she cried her eyes out. 

She snapped. 

Lizzy wrapped her arms around him and clutched him to her while crawling further into his lap sobbing as she placed her head above his beating heart. Lizzy breathing became laboured, she was gasping for breath as she tried to bury herself within him, grabbing and fisting at his dress shirt. 

“Shhh, sweetheart - your giving yourself a panic attack, please, it’s okay, just breathe with me sweetheart, breathe with me.” Red rubbed her back soothingly, trying desperately to get her to breath in time with him. “It’s over Lizzy.”

As she slowly began to catch her breath, the grip on him remained tight, even as she eventually looked up to stare into his eyes. The same eyes that never left hers when he was in the chamber...until - she couldn’t go there, even being in his lap clutching his shirt, it was to raw too soon and her heart had yet to catch up to the physical realization.

That he was here, under her, warm, eyes tired, mouth drawn into a tired but worried smile. His hands everywhere on her, warming her, soothing her, loving her. 

“Lizzy, if you -” 

“I love you.” She whispered. 

His hands dropped from her body as he stared silently at her, his breath leaving his body, he swallowed hard. 

“I should have told you sooner, I should have told you that years ago, I should’ve told you before you went in, so you knew, knew that I love you.” He remained still, silent, and for a moment she thought it was all a dream - that she would wake up and he wouldn’t be here. “Say something, please. Do something. Hold me in your arms, just - just don’t go.” She begged tears, streaming down her face again. 

“Oh, my Lizzy, I’ll never leave you now.” He whispered, before pulling her close and kissing her tears away from her skin. “I love you” he whispered as his lips fanned over hers. 

Lizzy rose on to her knee, forcing him to arch his neck up to meet her gaze, she circled his face with her hands before finally descending on his lips. Kissing Red instantly made the room go from an icy damp dungeon to a white hot fire, and as soon as his hands gripped her waist and pressed her nearer she knew he was real and oh so alive.

Nails scratched at his scalp, a possessive grip nearly tore open her shirt, his mouth opened, lips bruised, breaths harsh. Moans were breathed into the air as new skin was discovered.

Finally when the need for air was paramount, they breathed in unison, foreheads touching eyes closed. 

“I think,” Red took a shaky breath, before continuing, “I think we need to talk.”

He slowly rose, lifting her with him, ensuring there wasn’t a breath of air between them. 

Lizzy smiled, “later, it can all wait, all of it.” Kissing him gently, “you look exhausted.”

Red chuckled, “well I did die today, sort of.” He looked around the scattered trappings of her home, “I’m sorry, I didn’t tell you. I didn’t want to give you false hope.”

She nodded her head, all the while her hand brushed along his temple, his eyes closing at the touch. 

“Come to bed.” She whispered, grabbing his hand from her waist leading him.

“Lizzy” he hissed out, his eyes remained closed, the idea of being close to her in any way shape or form, especially in the intimacy of her bedroom had him nearly falling to the ground thanking the very god he had yet to thank. “I shouldn’t, least not yet.” He whispered painfully, still being led by her blindly

“Don’t let go, hold me in your arms, your home now.” She whispered, as she tighten her grip on his hand and closed the bedroom door behind them. 

He breathed.

**Author's Note:**

> Not sure to add an additional chapter or not....


End file.
